The metro blows. Everyone in DC knows this. It is the one place where you are assured to find everything you hate. I know what you are thinking, “I hate bears, and there are no of those in there” – well ya know what you clearly have not ridden the metro after 9pm because if I had a dollar for every time I thought about calling the zoo to let them know one of their breeding females had escaped during feeding time and donned a “pant suit” and smart phone combo I could stop working.
I'm in a sorority!
While I hate a lot of things in this world, the metro has got to be in the top 5. Not only do I have to ride a giant metal WANG for an hour to and from work every day I get to do it packed into a death trap with 50 other strangers in such close quarters that I feel like I am on a Guatemalan airliner, literally the only things missing are a couple of free range chickens and a donkey (or el burro, if you prefer). Not only do we tolerate the piss poor service, urine soaked trains, incompetent employees, and violence ridden stations – WE ACTUALLY PAY FOR THE EXPERIENCE. That is like someone walking up to you and forcing you to pay for a walking tour of south side L.A. during the middle of a gang war stopping only to piss in your face every twenty minutes. No Bueno.
- DING… Doors Opening.
I recognize the metro is a necessary evil. Lest of course we all walk like a horde of lemmings in business suits across the 14th street bridge, through grid lock traffic. All I am saying, is that there is no need for it to suck as much as it does. If we could just dial it down a couple notches I’d be happy, like lets take a scale of ten in terms of “suckage” 1 being something like you forgetting to set your alarm and 10 being you fighting for your life in a Tarzan style loin cloth against a viking riding a bear throwing wolves with rabies. The metro is a solid 6.
- I am getting off at Foggy Bottom, oh, and fuck you.
- GREAT, I lost my fucking fare card.
Keep your shit wired tight DC.
Bring the TRUTH 